You just found the person you want to spend every minute of your time with. But are they the one? I had the opportunity to sit down with some friends and discuss the top 5 Red Flags that we have noticed after dating around.
- Love Bombing; Love Bombing is a type of narcissistic tendency that can ultimately develop into an abusive relationship. Personally, I have seen this. The relationship feels like it’s moving a bit TOO fast. Love bombing is not just dropping your pants too soon. Love bombing is a form of manipulation that an individual will utilize in order to influence the other individual through demonstrations of attention and affection. A good example of this is saying “I love you” right out of the gate. There is no fine line with when certain things can be said or done in a relationship, but if you personally feel that things are moving a little quick, take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Are there any other red flags you have noticed?
- Controlling; Another example of a toxic tendency in a relationship is the attempt to control the other individual. Whether this be through telling him/her what to wear or who they can/can’t hang out with. At the end of the day, a relationship consists of two individuals. A relationship does not signify the loss of your personal identity. Oftentimes, two people will become so intertwined with one another, that they forget the life they had before meeting this person. Although you are now in a relationship, you are still your own person. Your significant other’s opinion should not be the end all be all. When your partner is attempting to control you, this is a red flag. There should be a mutual understanding that you each have your own individuality and can still enjoy life without your partner breathing down your neck.
- Bad relationships with friends and family; This can also be a major red flag. Yes, everyone experiences issues with their friends and family, but typically a mature adult will be able to have open conversations with the important people in his/her life. If you notice that your significant other has bad relationships with what seems like everyone, maybe this is a testament to how your relationship is going to develop. If he/she cannot maintain a healthy relationship anywhere else in their life, how are they going to pull it together for you?
- Talking about their ex-partner WAY too much; banter about past relationships is normal and actually healthy. It is helpful to discuss past relationships that may have failed due to certain issues arising. When you and your partner both feel comfortable to have an open conversation about your past, do so. However, there is a fine line between healthy banter vs. demonstrating an obsession with your ex-partner. Oftentimes, someone who is constantly venting about their past relationships, is still not over their ex or has not found contentment in themself as an individual. This is a red flag and is often hard to deal with because it can become draining. You feel as if you have been shoved to the back burner. So, avoid this! Find someone who is comfortable with themself.
- Being flakey; last and not least is a personal tell-tale for me. At the end of the day, what separates a good partner from a bad partner is reliability. In every relationship that has failed, thus far, I was bombarded with excuse after excuse. We would make plans that would fall through, not to much of my surprise, as I almost expected it every time. Find a partner who wants to be there for you. Find someone who enjoys helping you out, not because they get something out of it, but because they care for you. Did they promise to go to an event with you and then flake at the last minute? Oh wait, that happens every other weekend? THEY ARE FLAKEY!!!! Date someone who you trust your life with. Someone who you know, will always have your back, and until then, surround yourself with people who do love you and learn to love yourself first before giving someone the power to love you.
